I'm not suicidal but sometimes, i.e. right now, i wonder if the people who cut themselves and turn emotional pain into physical, if it actually works or if possible, feels better?
I'm sorry to make my first blog a shit boring and emotional as shit but that's how i feel right no.
I can rant and go on here because the people i see on a day to day basis, well more like a week to week basis, if that, don't read this. Except for one. And for that one person who hasen't judged me and is still talking to me, i love you! *GLOMP*
Well, my life has turned to shit!!!!!!!
I just got back from Canada and Hong Kong, i was away for 3 weeks and come back to a lovely warm greeting... the sms conversation goes like this;

Me: Oh god it's hot
Mrs x:I want my sunglasses back
Me:i don't have them, you only left your glasses case at my house
Mrs x:fuck you i did not
Me:what the hell is your problem?
Mrs x:you're a liar. I never want to see or hear from you again. Ever ever ever
Me:What the fuck did i do?
Mrs x:i know what you did with scott you fat whore

So that's how it all started...
Mrs x used to be my best friend but obviously not anymore. Her and her boyfriend have been going out for almost 3 years and when they had a fight about 6 months ago, the boyfriend kissed me. You have to know that we are best friends but i find him no way attractive in any way sexual! We had a silent agreement to keep this a secret and not tell anyone. Now, 3 days before i arrived home, they were in another fight and the boyfriend informed my best friend that we had a relationship together and the shit hit the fan!!!!!
So, as my best friend wanted to get back at me in any way possable, she told my other best friend that i had sex with her boyfriend when they were on a 'break'.
So not only my best friend won't talk to me, most of my other frinds and even people i may have met once or twice arecalling me a slut/whore/bitch/cunt......you name it, that's what they are saying.

So this is where the whole suicidal thing is coming from. how do you stop crying and screaming and drinking and smoking untill you can't breath anymore???
If someone has the answer, please i would really like to know!
I'm not trying to run away or even tell myself what i did was right. I know it wasn't fucking right! But i want one of those thingies from Men In Black... Wouldn't that be excelent!

So i don't care if noone replies/comments. I don't even know if you can on DA.
I don't care if you judge me, just do it silently and don't take it out on my photography.

I hope your lives are better than mine.
Be safe
Zoe